Never been so weary

I have never been so weary before In this gray freezing slush and rain I dreamed of Ryazan's skies once more And my wayward life of pain Many women have given me their love And I've loved more than just a few Is that why some dark force above Has drawn me to the bottle's brew? Endless nights of drunken haze And in revelry, familiar sorrow! Is that why worms like azure blaze Gnaw my eyes till empty hollow? No betrayal pains me anymore Nor does the ease of conquest thrill That golden haystack of hair I once adored Turns ashen gray and still Turns to ashes, turns to water When autumn's murk begins to seep I don't mourn you, years gone farther Nothing do I wish to keep I'm tired of tormenting myself in vain And with a strange smile on my face I've grown to love in my light frame to contain A corpse's quiet light and grace And now it's not so hard to lumber From one den of sin to the next As into a straitjacket's slumber We take nature bound in concrete's nest And in me, by these same laws applied The raging fire begins to wane Yet still I bow with humble pride To those fields I once loved in rain To those lands where I grew beneath the maple Where I frolicked on the yellow grass— I send greetings to crows and sparrows, ample And the owl that weeps as night hours pass I shout to them across spring distances wide Dear birds, into the blue trembling air Tell them I'm done with scandal's tide— Let the wind now begin to beat The rye till it bends in prayer