Heavy

I cleaned out my closet today Found your sweater I forgot to throw away It still smells like you, three years later Funny how clothes remember better than I do I should hate you, but I don't I should move on, but I won't Not because I'm weak, not because I'm cruel Just because some things become part of your fuel And I drive past your street when I'm lost Not because I wanna pay the cost But because home is where you are Even when we're worlds apart It's heavy Carrying someone who already left It's heavy Borrowing breath from a ghost in my chest I'm not asking you to come back I'm not asking you to call I'm just wondering if it's always gonna feel this tall This mountain of us This dust This heavy My friends say "get over it, move on" Like grief has a schedule, like love has a bomb You can detonate and walk away clean But they don't know what I've seen I've seen you cry in the kitchen at 3 AM I've seen you break and build again You're not just someone I used to know You're the blueprint of how I learned to grow And I don't want you back, I swear I just want to stop comparing everyone everywhere To the way you laughed, to the way you lied To the way you looked at me before you died inside It's heavy Carrying someone who already left It's heavy Borrowing breath from a ghost in my chest I'm not asking you to come back I'm not asking you to call I'm just wondering if it's always gonna feel this tall This mountain of us This dust This heavy Maybe one day I'll forget your middle name Maybe one day I won't feel the shame Of loving someone who couldn't stay Without making it mean I'm not okay But today is not that day Today I let the weight just stay Yeah, it's heavy But maybe heavy means it was real Maybe heavy means I can feel Something deeper than surface, something louder than goodbye Maybe heavy means I'm still alive And I'm learning to carry What I can't bury This love This heavy I cleaned out my closet today Your sweater's in a box, but that's okay Some things you don't throw away You just learn to hold them differently