Fallen Ashes

I learned the hard way Countin' rent and bruises Mold on the ceiling And a heart that loses You wore that red coat Like a sign from heaven I wore my last name Like a chain in seven I kept my hands clean But the world stayed dirty You laughed with your whole face When I said I'm hurting I said, Stay a minute You said, Maybe later I stood there sinking In your doorway crater I want you bad You choose somebody else I bleed in silence I hate myself I want you bad You never see it clear I live so close But I don't get near Bus pass in my wallet Knuckles split and shaking Boss man says smile more Like my bones ain't breaking Your name in my phone screen Burns like cheap liquor I type, then I delete it Still my pulse gets sicker You call me best friend Like a lock, like a warning I wear that word all night Then I choke by morning I said, Stay a minute You said, Maybe later I stood there sinking In your doorway crater I want you bad You choose somebody else I bleed in silence I hate myself I want you bad You never see it clear I live so close But I don't get near I want you bad You choose somebody else I bleed in silence I hate myself I want you bad You never see it clear I live so close But I don't get near