After You

They took your ring off my finger At the hospital that night. Said I shouldn't keep holding you When you were already light. The bed is wider than the ocean, Cold like unfinished words. I still turn to tell you something, Then remember you're not here. The silence doesn't scream, It settles in my bones. Grief isn't loud like thunder, It's learning to live alone. I don't miss you in the loud ways. I miss you in the small. In the way you said my name Like it mattered at all. I miss the way you forgave me Before I knew I was wrong. The way your hand found mine In the middle of the storm. Mmm, they say time will make it softer, But time just proves it's true. The best part of who I ever was, Was the part that loved you. Your coat is still behind the door. I don't move it, I can't. It feels like if I touch that space, I'll admit you won't come back. The garden died without you. I water it anyway. I guess I'm still pretending You'll walk out any day. I talk to you in whispers Like heaven's paper-thin. If love could cross the distance, You'd be standing here again. I don't miss you in the loud ways. I miss you when I breathe. Because every breath I take now Is one you cannot see. And if heaven lets you watch me, If you hear the things I say, Wait for me at the doorway. I'm coming home one day. I thought I'd go first. I always thought I'd go first. You were the brave one. The gentle one. The one who knew how to survive me. And now I'm learning how to survive Without you. Without you. I don't miss you in the loud ways. I miss you when I breathe. Because every breath I take now Is one you cannot see. And if heaven lets you watch me, If you hear the things I say, Wait for me at the doorway. I'm coming home One day.