Half My Life

I kept my best days folded away. Saving them for a life not yet begun. I read the calendar like it was scripture. Waiting for a sign that never comes. I thought I'd start once things got easier. Once the timing finally lined up right. But the pages kept on turning without me. And I kept missing my own life. Half my life spent preparing. For a life that already began. The door I thought was closing. Was open in my hand. I was always inside it. Just too busy getting ready to see. Half my life waiting at the entrance. Of the only life I'd ever be. I told myself later, always later. Like the present was a rehearsal for the real Thing. But there's no real thing waiting somewhere ahead. This very breath is the only one I breathe. I stopped saving the good moments. Stopped treating living like a waiting line. This ordinary moment right in front of me. Is my one and only time. The door isn't closing. It was never really closed. I was standing right inside it the whole Time. And never knew. Half my life spent preparing. For a life that already began. The door I thought was closing. Was open in my hand. I was always inside it. Just too busy getting ready to see. Half my life waiting at the entrance. Of the only life I'd ever be.